
Class 



Book , 5^- 
CoKTight}J°_ 



COPmiGHT DEPOSIT, 



Humorous Tales 
of Bennington-on'the-Hill 



COPYRIGHT 1918 




Mrs. Margaret Fay Brown 

'^Frontispiece^ 



Humorous Tales 
of Benningtonon-the-Hill 



Collected and written for her Sons and Daughters 

by one who was born near the site of the 

Old Continental Store House 



{J<X^^MXX./^^) \U^CJ^\XIAX{ S ' 



[ J O.^J^X3L.1^-/' 



CLEVELAND. OHIO 



■J^4-Tz3i 



AUG -5 1918 



©CI.A503024 



To 

Mrs. Margaret Fay Brown, 

Great-great grand-daughter of Landlord 

Fay of the Catamount Tavern, 

whose cheery presence has given the writer 

many a happy hour, this Book Is 

affectionately dedicated. 



PREFACE 

T AM NOT a ready writer, so I pray you 
J^ good friend, as you read these tales, to 
temper your criticisms with mercy. It is not 
of my own voHtion that I am writing, but upon 
the request of numerous friends in Benning- 
ton, who have urged me for several years to 
write down the stories which I learned and 
have retained since childhood. Many of the 
anecdotes which I am relating, were told me 
by the late Mr. Franklin Blackmer, whose 
wonderful memory and conversational gifts, 
appealed to me strongly in my boyhood days. 
I am also indebted to Miss Ellen Scott, Miss 
Adeline Waters, Miss Katherine Hubbell, and 
Mrs. Mary Russell Pickett Biyer for much of 
my material. The beautiful and serious side 
of the history of Bennington Center as I pre- 
fer calling it, loving as I do the name, the vil- 
lage bore in my childhood, has been so won- 
derfully set forth in the book by Mr. and Mrs. 
John V. D. S. Merrill, that I have decided to 
7 



PREFACE 

confine myself strictly to the humorous side, 
and expect to take up the quaint sayings and 
doings of some of the old inhabitants. 

Richard S. Bayhan 
Cleveland, Ohio. September 16. 1913. 



CONTENTS 

Prologue 13 

Chapter I. Uncle Hi l''^ 

Chapter II. Granny Spiers 26 

Chapter III. Various People 33 

Pussy Card 33 

One on Mr. Franklin Blackmcr 35 

Munson and his poetr\' 35 

Hannah Hayncs 40 

Nancy Black 40 

Liz Dibble 41 

How Aunt Sally Blatchford called on her 

dying (?) brother 42 

Aunt Mindy's Cider Mill 43 

Anecdote of Mrs. Benj. R. Sears (Mary Ann 

Waters) 44 

Anecdote of Colonel Martin Scott 46 

Chapter IV. Various People (Continued). 4<S 

Granny March's Night-cap 48 

Mrs. Von Dorn, Aunt Betty Caslin and the 
bowl of Tomato Soup 50 

9 



CONTENTS 

Chapter IV (Continued) 

How Nora Flannigan testified at the Coun- 
ty Court r)2 

How Colonel Sherill and Jacob Poole called 

on Mrs. Hyde 55 

Aunt Betty Caslin's Funeral 56 

Ann Brooks 58 

Occurrances personally recollected by the 
Author ()0 

L'Envoi. The old hill today 66 

Bennington Center 68 



10 



ILLUSTRATIONS 

Mrs. Margaret Fay Brown. . . .(Frontispiece) 

Home of Mrs. Margaret Brown 26 ' 

The Hubbell Home 33 ^' 

Mr. Franklin Blackmer 39 

Mrs. Mary Pickett Biyer 43 - 

Mrs. Mary x\nn Waters Sears 44 

Miss Ellen Scott 48 ■ 

The Old Poole Homestead 55 / 

The State Arms House 66 i^ 



II 



PROLOGUE 

BENNINGTON ! What a host of recollec- 
tions pass before the mind of a man born 
in Vermont, as he hears or reads the name 
famous in history. How the memories throng 
of the old days, when fireplaces, foot-stoves 
and warming-pans were in vogue ; when husk- 
ing-bees drew crowds of merry maidens and 
sturdy lads (each of whom sought for the 
lucky red ear and the reward which it 
brought) ; when the Old Meeting-house was 
filled every Sunday to hear a sermon an hour 
and a half long, while the ''Sweet singers in 
Israel" filled the Choir Gallery at the rear of 
the Auditorium, and accompanied by various 
orchestra instruments, flooded the church 
with music of which the whole State was just- 
ly proud. Could our staid and dignified ances- 
try arise from their quiet resting-places in the 
old Cemetery and walk our streets today, they 
would see another Bennington. Railroads, 
trolleys, a water system, electric lights, fur- 
13 



PROLOGUE 

naccs, automobiles, the famous Battle Mon- 
ument, oiled streets, telegraphs, telephones, etc. 
And the Old Church with a real Pipe Organ. 
What would they say, those good old fore- 
fathers of ours ? Would they regard our mod- 
ern conveniences as "Inventions of the Evil 
One"? I think not. I think they would re- 
joice that we had progressed. They are gone, 
but around us stand the everlasting hills which 
they loved. And now we turn from modern 
Bennington, to Bennington of long ago, and 
first I shall introduce to you Hiram Rivers, 
popularly known as "Uncle Hi." 



14 



CHAPTER I 

"UNCLE HI" 

IN MY childhood days I remember him 
well, the champion, practical joker of 
the village. He was a very old man then, 
nearly ninety, but full of fun and trying 
always to play some little trick on us. Many 
stories are told of his jokes. I will relate 
them as they came to me. 

* * * 
Uncle Hi worked for a man named Dwight 
living in Pownal. The men were hoeing, and 
the geese were under their feet looking for 
worms. Finally Mr. Dwight broke forth in 
wrath, 'T wish I were rid of those geese, I'd 
sell them for a cent apiece if I could get it." 
That night Uncle Hi took the seventeen geese 
home to Bennington in his wagon. He put 
seventeen pennies in a bag, which he tied 
around the gander's neck with the following 
note: 

15 



: HUMOROUS TALES 

'*Mr. Dwight, Til bid you goodnight, 
For I have far to wander, 
I've bought your geese, 
For a penny apiece. 
And left the money with the gander." 
* * * 

A famous darky Hved on the hill. He was 
known as ''Black Joel." One day "Uncle" 
was passing through the Hotel yard. Hearing 
some melodious and trumpet-like snores pro- 
ceeding from the barn, he searched till he 
found Joel asleep on the hay-mow. Taking a 
sponge, wet with chloroform, he soon had his 
victim sound asleep, whereupon he procured a 
bucket of white-wash and a brush and when 
the old man awoke, he was a "White Coon." 



On another occasion, he hoisted a white calf 
into the belfry of the church at night on the 
first of April, then tied a string to the tongue 
of the church bell. Wrapping a sheet around 
himself, he sat in the grave-yard and tolled the 
bell all night. The village people thought he 
was a ghost and were afraid to go near him. 
i6 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

In the morning the calf was still there and 
singing sweetly, and as Uncle Hi was the only 
carpenter in town, and possessed the only ap- 
paratus for hoisting or lowering articles, the 
neighbors were finally compelled to pay him 
$10.00 to take the animal down. 



On the summit of the hill lived an eccentric 
old man, known as Captain Amos Robertson. 
His house was always immaculate in its coat 
of white, and green blinds. Now be it here 
confessed, that Uncle Hiram was often out of 
work. So when those days arrived, he would 
wait till midnight, then armed with brush and 
paint, he would climb the hill, taking a short 
ladder with him, and would paint the front of 
Captain Amos' house in caricatures and in 
every color of the rainbow. The next morn- 
ing the Captain would come storming down to 
Uncle Hi and tell him "Some scoundrel Sir, 
has had the audacity to paint my house in the 
night, in the night Sir. I want you to scrape 
it and repaint it white." And so the '7<^kc^" 
was sure of work for several days. One night, 
2 17 



HUMOROUS TALES 

Captain Amos hid behind the Syringa bushes 
and watched for the offender. At last he ar- 
rived and dimbing the ladder, began to paint. 
The Captain rushed out, grabbed the ladder 
and shouted, "Aha you robber, I got you at 
last." The "Artist" realizing that his hour 
had come, turned his paint-pot bottom side 
up and emptied it into the Captain's face. The 
old man ran spluttering into the house to Aunt 
Betty while "Uncle" decamped for home. 
* ♦ * 

Uncle Hi was a short, thick set man, while 
his wife known as Aunt Ramie was very tall. 
One day my grandmother met him on the 
street, carrying a step-ladder. "Where are you 
going?" she asked. "Going to try to kiss 
Ramie," was the answer. 



One Sunday, after the family had gone to 
church. Uncle Hi went into a neighbor's yard, 
and caught a black calf which he brought 
home. Next he proceeded to attire the animal 
in one of Aunt Ramie's nightgowns, the fore- 
legs through the sleeves and the lower end se- 
i8 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

curely tied. Just as the devout people were 
coming out of the "Meeting-House" the 
frightened animal roaring '*Maa-a-a," plunged 
through the street. It is reported that good 
Aunt Ramie lost her temper for once, and 
made some remarks which can not appear on 
this page. 



On the South Road, lived Sheriff Branney. 
Several times had Uncle Hi's jokes caused him 
to appear before the Courts, and the Sherifi: 
had been the man to take him into custody. 
So Uncle swore vengeance. On the hill lived 
an old man known as *'Uncle Billy Caswell." 
He was the possessor of an old donkey famous 
for his depredations in the neighborhood. One 
night, Uncle Hi learned that the Sheriff and 
his wife had gone to a dance. After dark, he 
captured the old Caswell donkey and led him 
to the Sheriff's house which was built against 
the hill. The house had a large cellar kitchen 
with an immense fire-place, which being no 
longer in use was closed with a huge door. 
Uncle Hi crawled in the window and opened 
19 



HUMOROUS TALES 

the dcK)r and also the fire-place. Then he put 
the donkey inside, gave him plenty to eat and 
having sprinkled red pepper liberally on his 
back, he fastened the fire-place door and de- 
parted. About midnight the Sheriff came 
home and retired. At 2 a.m., the donkey hav- 
ing eaten all his hay, became restless and began 
to move around. The red pepper was soon 
stirred into action, whereupon *'Jack" began 
to sneeze and bray in equal parts. The family 
awoke and hearing the hideous din, decided 
that the devil was there. Screaming, they 
aroused the neighbors, who searched the house 
from garret to cellar, finding nothing. As the 
awful noise continued, some one finally opened 
the fire-place door, and out came Billy Cas- 
well's donkey, filling the air with clouds of 
red pepper, so that the entire company fell to 
sneezing like mad. The Sheriff, with tears 
raining down his face, screamed, 'Tli Rivers 
did that," but no one could prove it. 



In many of his jokes Uncle was ably helped 
by his chum Tom Rutenberg. On one occa- 

20 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

sion, they went to the mountain with a bob- 
sled after posts. Uncle Hiram fell and broke 
his leg. He was too heavy for Tom to lift on 
the sled, and as it was too cold to wait for help 
to come from the village, the broken leg was 
secured with a cord to a stake while a trace 
chain was made fast to the other leg and to 
the sled and he was dragged to town on his 
back behind the sled. When he reached home, 
the doctor was called. The broken limb was 
terribly swollen and the doctor took out his 
jack knife to cut away the leather boot ''Hold 
on," said Uncle Hi, "that's a new pair of 
boots." And calling for a boot jack, he placed 
his foot in it and tore the boot off the broken 
leg. The doctor was so carried away with 
his grit, that when the leg was well again, he 
sent in a receipted bill. Later on, to show his 
gratitude, Uncle Hi stole the doctor's white 
pig, painted black stripes on him and called 
the doctor in to see the new brand of hog he 
had purchased. 

* * * 

Not far from the home of Captain Amos 
Robertson lived an old man known as John 

21 



HUMOROUS TALES 

Haling. He had sworn vengeance on Uncle 
and his chum because of their various jokes. 
Mr. Haling had a niece living in a distant 
town, who was preparing for her wedding. 
Her uncle suggested that if she would come to 
his home and be married, he would pay the bill 
for a grand affair. She agreed, and the guests 
arrived one afternoon in various equipages 
and carry-alls. Old Aunty Haling baked an 
enormous cake and souvenir pieces were sent 
to every family on the hill except to Uncle Hi 
and Tom. These two worthies met at the 
Post Office and planned for revenge. After 
all the guests had retired for the night, the 
two conspirators went up to Mr. Haling's 
home, rigged up blocks and tackling and hoist- 
ed the various wagons unto the roof of a flat 
top barn. Then they departed. In the morn- 
ing the guests were compelled to pay Uncle 
$25.00 to take their wagons down. 



Uncle Hi was the father of several children. 
One of his daughters was receiving attention 
from a young man who did not strike her 

22 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

father's fancy. To all inquiries as to prospects 
of matrimony, "Daughter" refused to reply. 
When her caller arrived, they went into the 
parlor and locked the door. But they had not 
counted on the determination of Uncle. The 
house had an immense old chimney with a fire- 
place in the parlor, which was closed with a 
large door. One night, the watchful parent 
climed the roof and came down A la Santa 
Claus through the chimney, stepping on pro- 
jecting bricks. When about ten feet from the 
bottom, he missed a step and plunged head- 
long into the fire-place, knocking the fire-board 
door into the room. Daughter fell into a dead 
faint on the floor while her "Swain" shouted, 
"It's the devil," and jumped through the win- 
dow, sash, glass and all, tore down the street 
and never returned, leaving town next day. 
The cause of the disturbance crawled out of 
the ruins with a broken shoulder, and re- 
marked, to the horrified Aunt Ramie, as she 
rushed in from the kitchen, "Never mind, old 
lady, I've busted up that match, you'll get no 
son-in-law this time." After which he went 
to see the doctor and get the bone set. 
23 



HUMOROUS TALES 

Uncle had a neighbor, who hved ahnost ex- 
clusively on soup. At one time he was work- 
ing for my grandmother, Mrs. Poole, and she 
asked him if it were really so that the party in 
question only ate soup and porridge. *'0 yes," 
was the answer, ''Rye paste, good to stick 
paper on the wall, but it won't put flesh on 
his ribs." 



On one occasion, Uncle and Tom went to 
the mountain and came across a bee-tree. A 
problem arose how to get the honey home as 
they feared they could not find the tree again 
if they went after receptacles. Finally they 
took off their overalls and jumpers, the bot- 
toms of the legs and ends of the sleeves were 
tied, then the honey comb was packed in and 
the two worthies tramped home with the find 
slung over their shoulders on a stick. 



When the old "Joker" was ninety, he went 
on his birthday and repaired the roof of a 
neighbor's barn with the remark, ''Well, that 
24 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

will do for ten years, then Til be a hundred 
and I'll shingle it all over for you." 

At ninety-three, he called on a neighbor and 
as he rose to go home, he said, "It is very icy, 
I'll bet I fall." "I've broken every bone in 
my body except my right shoulder and my 
neck." He walked out, fell flat, and broke his 
right shoulder and it healed perfectly. But he 
never broke his neck, finally passing away 
while asleep in his ninety-sixth year. 



25 



HUMOROUS TALES 



CHAPTER II 

"GRANNY SPIERS" 

IN A large old-fashioned house, dwelt the 
subject of this chapter. She was famous 
and justly so, for her sharp tongue. People 
dreaded to cross her in any way, for her re- 
marks were always plain and pointed. On 
Sunday she was usually in her place in church. 
She very much resented any innovation in the 
worship. Now it appears that some misguided 
member of the Choir had visited New York, 
attended an Episcopal Church, listened to some 
chanting, and had come home fired with an 
ambition to have the old choir sing a chant. 
The misguided one purchased copies and per- 
suaded the choir to embark on the new and 
strange sea. So one Sunday morning the sin- 
gers arose and began to chant. Granny Spiers 
was a few minutes late that day and started up 
the aisle for her seat just as the chant was in 
full swing. She stopped, turned around, lean- 
ad 



I 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

ing on her cane and stared at the choir, and 
then said to her daughter in a stage-whisper, 
heard all over the church, "What be them crit- 
ters a-tryin' to do?" "Sh — , they are chant- 
nig mother," said her daughter, trying to urge 
her to move on. The old lady raised her cane 
and shook it at the choir, with the remark, 
"Well, you'd better take some other place be- 
sides the House of God for sich kind of busi- 
ness," and then went on to her seat. 
* * * 

The old lady had a great deal of fruit in her 
yard. The boys frequently helped themselves. 
One night Granny Spiers watched and caught 
them. After shaking two of them soundly, 
she said, *Tf you would ask for fruit and bring 
something to carry it home in, I would give 
you some." Next evening, they returned, 
lugging between them an immense clothes bas- 
ket holding over four bushels and asked, 
"Please ma'am, can we have a few pears?" 
Whereupon Granny charged on them with her 
broom and drove them out of the yard. 

On the top of the neighboring hill lived 
Mrs. Raybold. She was a dignified old lady 
27 



HUMOROUS TALES 

whose daughter had made a wealthy marriage. 
The son-in-law, Mr. Dent, sprang from poor 
parents. His father, known as old Tom Dent, 
owned a large tract of woodland near the 
town. The younger Dent went to a large city 
and became very rich. His parents were dead 
but he owned the woods mentioned above. He 
christened them "The Beeches," built a fine 
house, married pretty Polly Raybold and came 
home every summer for a few weeks. During 
the sojourn of the Dent family, the fine car- 
riage (wnth coachman and footman) would 
go up the hill several times a week and Mother 
Raybold would go down in high state to spend 
the day with "My Daughter, Mrs. Dent, at 
The Beeches." The old lady was rather set 
up by the situation and held her head high as 
she road along the village street. This was 
more than Granny Spiers could endure. So 
one morning as the carriage drew near, she 
started for the corner, informing her daughter 
that she was going to "Take that stuck-up old 
Dame down a peg or two." Granny held up 
her hand, the driver stopped and the following 
conversation took place : 
28 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

Granny — "Good mornin' Mis' Raybold." 

Mrs. R. — "Good morning, madam." 

Granny — "Whar ye goin' ?" 

Mrs. R.— "To The Beeches." 

Granny— "Whar's that?" 

Mrs. R. — "Near the town." 
Granny — "Never heard tell of no such place." 
Mrs. R. — (Bursting with importance) "What, 
never heard of The Beeches, where my daugh- 
ter, Mrs. J. L. Dent, lives?" 
Granny — "O Lord, I never heard that called 
nothin' but 'Old Tom Dent's woods.' " 

Mrs. R. — (Crimson with anger) "Drive on, 
drive on." 

Granny — "He, he, he, ye will stick yer nose 
up in the air, will ye ? He, he, he, I guess ye 
come ofif your high horse a bit that time." And 
she hobbled home. 



A new building was in process of erection 

not far from Mrs. Spier's home. Our old 

friend. Uncle Hi, had charge of the carpenter 

work. Running short of materials, he made 

29 



HUMOROUS TALES 

a trip to Troy and was absent two days. While 
he was away, some boys decided to play a trick 
on Mrs. Spiers. So they stuffed a straw man 
and hoisted it up in one of her apple trees. 
Next morning she made the discovery and 
called her daughter. "J^st look," she shouted, 
"Look at that, some more work of that devil- 
ish Hi Rivers." And poor Uncle Hi got the 

blame. 

♦ * * 

One night, some boys tried to steal some 
fruit, and the old lady chased them. Among 
them was a boy who had several brothers and 
sisters. He stubbed his toe and fell, spilling 
his apples from his cap. Before he could run, 
Granny Spiers pounced on him, with the re- 
mark, ''Ye needn't run, I know ye. When I 
see a poor, miserable, sneakin' little no-account 
whiffet, I know what family he belongs to." 
A few days later, the boy's mother met the old 
lady and said, "Mrs. Spiers, my son says he 
did not take your apples." Whereupon the 
angry old woman responded, "I am creditably 
informed, that your children never speak the 
truth except by accident." 
30 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

The old lady lived across the street from the 
cemetery. One day a neighbor said to her, "I 
should not like to live near the graveyard." 
Quick as a flash came the reply, "They are the 
quietest and most respectable neighbors 1 

have." 

* * * 

Almost every one dreaded her and kept 
away from her vicinity, but one young mar- 
ried woman was very kind to her. Later this 
lady died, and after some years, the widower 
took unto himself a second help-meet. Gran- 
ny Spiers was very indignant and said, 'T 
think it is dreadful, when I die and go to heav- 
en, I shall hunt that woman up at once, and 
tell her what her husband has done." Some 
one told Uncle Hi of the remark and he re- 
plied, "Well, I have my doubts as to whether 
she ever reaches the Abode of Bliss, but I 
know one thing ; if she ever does get right up 
into the village, the other neighbors will move 

out." 

* * * 

Finally the end came and the old lady 
passed away. It is stated that when she was 
31 



HUMOROUS TALES 

dying, the minister called and asked her if she 
felt reconciled to her approaching dissolution. 
"O yes," she said, "anything for a change." 
In those old days, there was always some one 
in every village who "laid out" the dead, as 
the saying went. Now it happened that in 
this particular case that the late departed had 
once had a bitter quarrel with the general 
"layer-out." As no one else was available, 
the ''enemy" was summoned. As she entered 
the room, she noted that Mrs. Spiers had died 
with her mouth wide open. "Well," she re- 
marked, "your mouth is still open, but thank 
the good Lord, IVe got you for once where 
you can't talk back." 



32 




33 



OF BENNTNGTON-ON-THE-HILL 



CHAPTER III 

"VARIOUS PEOPLE" 

''Pussy Card'' 
(Related by Miss Katherine Hubbell.) 

JOHN Card lived on Mt. Anthony. He was 
commonly known as Pussy Card. It 
happened in this manner. One night he start- 
ed for home after partaking very liberally of 
"fire-water." A man named Wadsworth de- 
cided to play a joke on him. So he climbed in 
a tree overhanging the road over which the 
victim was to pass and howled like a cata- 
mount. As Card rushed past on a dead run, 
and out of breath, he jumped on the ground 
and grabbed at him. ''Lord, have mercy, the 
pussy cat has got me," shouted Card, and to 
the day of his death, the name stuck to him. 
* * * 

Once the old man came down to get his por- 
tion of grog. He rode horse back and left his 
3 33 



HUMOROUS TALES 

horse under the church sheds. The boys dis- 
covered the old nag and also the saddle which 
had a large iron ring or staple in the rear. 
Procuring a clothesline, they tied it fast to a 
ring in the shed while the other end was fast- 
ened to the saddle. Mounting the horse after 
considerable effort, he rode toward the church. 
As he passed the hotel, he spurred the horse 
to a gallop. And then — oh then — that rope 
ran out to its full length and "Pussy," saddle 
and all, was dumped into the Ogden brook 
while the horse went home on the run. 
* * * 

On another occasion, he rode to the village 
bought a hundred pounds of meal, threw it 
across the horse's back and then sat on the bag 
and rode homeward. As they began to climb 
the mountain, the horse slowed down and 
finally balked, refusing to stir. Pussy whipped, 
scolded, kicked and swore, but all to no pur- 
pose. Finally a bright idea permeated his 
brain. Pushing the bag in front, he threw it 
over his shoulder and shouted to the horse, 
''There, D — ye, go on, /'/;/ a-carryin' of it 
naow." 

34 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

One on Mr. Franklin Blackmer 

(As told by Mrs. Blackmer and acknowledged by her 
husband.) 

Mr. Blackmer kept one of his horses in a 
barn belonging to his mother. One night the 
bam took fire and was destroyed. Mr. and 
Mrs. B. were awakened from sleep by the 
shouts of the neighbors. Mrs. Blackmer 
dressed hastily, rushed across the street, 
opened the barn door, put a blanket over the 
horse's head and led him to a place of safety. 
After the fire was over, some one asked where 
Mr. Blackmer was. Mrs. B. hurried home 
and found him rushing around the room, pok- 
ing in this corner and that, hunting in bureau 
drawers, etc. ''Where have you been," she 
shouted and received the reply, ''Ann, I can't 
find my necktie." 

''Munson and His Poetry" 

All the boys knew "Old Munson." He was 

very bright, but he ivould drink. When he had 

five fingers of corn whiskey aboard, he could 

write poetry by the yard. Mr. Blackmer re- 

35 



HUMOROUS TALES 

lated the following anecdote : One day the old 
man came into the store and wanted to buy a 
pair of shoes for his wife. He guessed at the 
size, and said, "Charge them." Mr. Blackmer 
bade the shoes an affectionate farewell as he 
never expected to receive his pay. A few 
days later, Miss Janet Elson, a neighbor of 
the Munsons, left a package at the store. Mr. 
Blackmer opened it, found the shoes, shook 
them and this note dropped out, 

These shoes are very much too small 
They did not fit my wife at all. 
I send them back by Miss Janet, 
To satisfy a doubtful debt. 



The old man was very funny when he had 
been drinking. His wife sent him once after 
groceries. He spent the money for whiskey 
and brought her a book of Watts' Hymns and 
Psalms. To her indignant remarks he an- 
swered, "Do be caam, the Bible says, 'Man 
shall not live by bread alone' so I bought you 
a Psaam book. Sing a Psaam, .Sairy, sing a 
Psaam." 

36 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

Once he started on a tramp for Troy. About 
half way, he decided to stop over night. He 
tried various houses but no one would have 
him as the whiskey was very much in evidence. 
Finally he went to the small Inn. The pro- 
prietor said, ''You are Munson." The old man 
admitted it. "Well," said the landlord, ''my 
son died recently and if you will compose an 
epitaph for his grave-stone, I will give you a 
night's lodging free." Munson thought a 
moment, then took a paper and pencil and 
wrote the following: 

"Your well-loved son, who died of late, 

Has just arrived at Heaven's gate." 
"There," he said, "I will finish it in the morn- 
ing." Next morning the landlord insisted on 
pay for the lodging and finally snatched his 
hat, saying, "Give me fifty cents, or I'll keep 
your hat." Munson walked out in the yard 
and then turning said, "O, I did not finish the 
epitaph." 

"Your well-loved son, who died of late. 

Has just arrived at Heaven's gate. 

The devil met him with a club, 

And knocked him clean to Baalzebub." 
37 



HUMOROUS TALES 

While on a tramp through Dorset, he 
begged at several doors, and was refused. 
Later the church was struck by lightning and 
burned. So he took a large placard and one 
night he tacked it to a tree near the site of the 
church. In the morning, the people read the 
following verse: 
'*Ye wicked people of Dorset, 
The Lord has burned up your house. 
Get down on your knees in your closet 
And there be as still as a mouse." 



At another time, he attended a session of 
the County Court. A rather ignorant but loud- 
mouthed lawyer argued the case and Munson 
summed up his speech as follows : 

"For every point he did explore 
Showed darkness where 'twas light before." 



He has also been credited with the follow- 
ing verses on Bennington weather, although 
some old residents place the authorship else- 
where : 




Mr. Franklin Blackmer 



39 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

"Whistle ye deiiiocratie winds 
That blow by night from Woodford's dens, 
Dare ye assail my domicile 
And tempt Jim Howell blood to spill 
And tear the shingles o'er his head 
Where he and Peggy lie in bed?" 
Again : 

The thunder roared, the lightning flashed, 
And granma's teapot went to smash, 
While over the hills a great way off 
The wood-chuck died with the whooping- 
cough." 



Once with a convivial companion he came 
to town. Both got gloriously drunk and in 
that condition went to Prayer meeting at the 
Baptist church. Munson had a pint of whis- 
key in his pocket but his companion had fin- 
ished his bottle. They listened to a sermon on 
drunkenness and wept maudlin tears as they 
rode towards home. Old Jones delivered an 
address on intemperance and then said, "Come 
on old boy, let's swear off," to which the joker 
replied, ''All right, my dear friend— hie— you 
39 



HUMOROUS TALES 

swear off tonight and I'll swear off in the 
morning." 

* * * 

''Hannah Haynes" 

Miss Haynes was a dressmaker and a tailor- 
ess for little boys. She hated men worse than 
poison. In many New England towns people 
quickly say "Mis' " when they mean "Mrs." 
She was doing some work for a family and the 
small son walked up to her and asked, "Mis' 
Haynes, where is Mr. Haynes?" Glaring at 
the child, Hannah shouted, "Thank the good 
Lord there never was any Mr. Haynes." 

* * * 

''Nancy Black" 

Nancy was virtually a tramp. She went 
from house to house and begged for food and 
clothing. Whatever garments she received 
were immediately put on and worn. One day 
she succeeded in getting seven waists, all dif- 
ferent lengths and colors. She promptly put 
them on, the longest on first, then the next 
shorter, until she had all seven on, when she 
40 



OF BENNTNGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

paraded up and down the street, remarking to 
every passerby, "Haint I just beautiful?" Un- 
cle Hi met her and went home to tell Aunt 
Ramie of the wonderful clothes model from 
New York that he had seen in Patchin's store 
window. And the poor old lady actually be- 
lieved it and posted up the hill to find old 
Nance Black standing in front of the store the 
cynosure of all eyes. What she told Uncle 
when she reached home, I am not at liberty to 
disclose here. 



''Lh Dibble"' 

At the town farm, various forlorn waifs 
were quartered. Among them, was a half- 
witted woman whose father. Dibble Robinson, 
hailed from Shushan, N. Y. The town farm 
was in charge of a man named Barney Wood. 
As there were several ladies in town named 
Lizzie Robinson, they naturally did not enjoy 
wearing the same title as the unfortunate wom- 
an, and finally she became known as Liz Dib- 
ble. A newly arrived and very solemn rector 
of St. Peter's church went to call on the in- 
41 



HUMOROUS TALES 

mates, and meeting the redoubtable "Liz," 
asked her, "What is your name?" ''Lizzie 
Dibble-Dabble, Shushan, Robinson, Barney 
Wood, Brass Kettle, you go to the devil," re- 
sponded the amiable Lizzie. And the rector 
went — home. 



''Hozv Aunt Sally B latch ford called on her 
dying (?) Brother^' 

Aunt Sally lived on the hill. Her brother 
lived with his son in Bennington, or as up- 
town people usually said "The East Village." 
Both the old lady and her brother were past 
eighty years of age but well preserved. At 
last the old man became ill and the doctor said 
to his children, "I don't believe he can live, has 
he anyone for whom you wish to send?" 
"Why yes," said the son, "Aunt Sally, father's 
sister lives at Bennington Center." "Send for 
her," said the doctor. A boy went up with a 
note. It was a terrible day in March but the 
old lady put on her husband's rubber boots and 
paddled down to the village. Arrived at the 
house breathless and tired out, she asked to 
42 




Mrs. Mary Russell Pickett Biyer 



43 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-TH£-HILL 

be shown to his room. (Here be it noted that 
the old gentleman who had always used strong 
language had not been informed that his ill- 
ness was serious). Aunt Sally came in, hand- 
kerchief in hand and sniffling. ''I am sorry 
to see you in this condition, dear brother," she 
said. The old man raised up in bed and glared 
at her. ''What in h — are you doing here with 
that Prayer-meeting face?" he shouted. "Get 
out." Aunt Sally marched to the kitchen. ''I 
guess he'll get well," she snapped, "he is still 
able to swear; Vm going up town hill." Which 
she did at once. And the old man recovered 
and lived over two years. 

* * * 

Aunt Mindy's Cider Mill" 
(As told by Mrs. Mary P. Biyer.) 

Mrs. Barry, commonly known as Aunt Min- 
dy, was a unique old dame who always drove 
a close bargain. She had numerous apple 
trees in her yard and in the Fall she always 
had a quantity of cider on hand which she sold 
to the school-children at one cent per glass. 
As she never went to the cider mill, and no 
43 



HUMOROUS TALES 

one had seen her with a small press, the mys- 
tery deepened, so various people watched and 
at last were rewarded. One night a neighbor 
noticed a light in the cellar and very ungal- 
lantly "peeked" through the window where he 
found the method in full swing. Aunt Mindy 
had an old cane seat chair. This she filled 
with apples which were pretty far gone. Then 
she placed a piece of plank across the chair, 
and climbing on the plank she hung on fast to 
a strap over head and danced up and down, 
mashing the apples till the juice flowed through 
into a stone crock underneath. This was 
poured from time to time into a keg and then 
drawn off when the small customers appeared. 
To say there was a sensation when the story 
came out, would be drawing it mildly. Poor 
Aunt Mindy's trade fell off suddenly. 
* * * 

Anecdote of Mrs. Benj. R. Sears 
(Mary Ann Waters) 

As a child, I rermember Judge Sears and 
his wife, who were our next door neighbors. 
Mrs. Sears told this story herself. The family 














^- f 




Mrs. Mary Ann Waters Scan 

-I -I 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

lived in a house just north of the monument 
into the rear part of which was built a portion 
of the original ''Old First Church" of 1763. 
Mrs. Sears was one of the kindest women I 
ever knew and always fed every tramp who 
came along. In the village lived a notorious 
old drunkard named Bump. He begged from 
house to house till every door was closed to 
him, as he was ugly when in liquor and the 
women feared him. Mrs. Sears, however, a 
very vigorous and powerful woman, laughed 
at their anxiety and fed him whenever he ap- 
peared. One day he came unusually drunk, 
had his lunch and departed. Soon he returned 
and demanded whiskey. Upon her refusal to 
play bar-maid and serve him any "drinks," he 
attempted to push past her into the house. 
Then it happened. Swinging the heavy door 
suddenly, she caught him on his neck so that 
his head was inside and his body outside. 
Bracing her back against the door and her 
feet against the box in the passage, she 
squeezed him till his tongue hung out and he 
was purple in the face. Meantime, one of the 
children climbed out of the back window and 
45 



HUMOROUS TALES 

called Judge Sears. When he came and the 
door was opened, old Bump fell in a limp heap 
on the step. He was sternly warned never to 
come there again. Mrs. Sears would laugh 
as she told the story and say, '*I don't beHeve 
any girl ever squeezed him like that in all his 
life." (Note — It is interesting to note that 
when Mr. and Mrs. Sears were married in 
1831, it was a double wedding, the other bride 
being Mr. Sear's sister Lucy, who married 
Zebina E. Fobes. All four lived to celebrate 
in 1881 their golden wedding.) 
* * * 

"Anecdote of Colonel Martin Scott" 

Colonel Scott was a celebrity in his day. He 
was killed at Molino, del Rey, during the Mex- 
ican War. We are familiar with the famous 
story of how the colonel went coon hunting 
and pointed his gun at one, when the coon 
asked him if he was Colonel Martin Scott and 
as the answer came yes, the coon said, "Don't 
shoot, ril come down, I'm a gone coon." The 
Colonel, however, told this one himself. He 
was on a Mississippi River boat and among 
46 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

the passengers was a man who had a very ugly 
face. The Colonel looked at him for awhile, 
then went to him and handed him a two dollar 
bill with the remark, "My friend, accept this 
from a sympathetic stranger, I feel sorry you 
are so God-abused." 



47 



HUMOROUS TALES 



CHAPTER IV 

"VARIOUS PEOPLE'^ 

(Continued) 

''Granny March's Night-cap" , 
(As told by Miss Ellen Scott.). 

OxNE of the real dignified ladies of the hill 
was Mrs. Ray. She was a widow who had 
lived in New York and was on good terms 
with the "Four Hundred." Her mother, Mrs. 
March, lived with her. The old lady was 
verging on ninety years and her mind was 
somewhat shattered. She insisted on wearing 
a night-cap day and night. Mrs. Ray kept one 
servant, a husky, ruddy Irish girl, Ann Raw- 
lins by name. She looked after the house- 
work and kept an eye on Granny March. One 
summer several of the ''Elite'' of New York 
were stopping at the hotel, and Mrs. Ray in- 
vited a number of them to tea. She asked 
Ann, who was a fine cook, to make one of her 
famous custard puddings. The toothsome ar- 
48 



PI 



g;^ 




48 



HUMOROUS TALES 

tide was prepared while "Granny" sat in the 
kitchen and w^atched the work. Finally all 
was in readiness and the pudding was put in- 
to the oven. Just at this moment some one 
called Ann to the door. No sooner was the 
cook out of sight, than the old lady opened the 
oven door, took off her night cap and poked it 
into the pudding. Next she threw an old 
handkerchief into the fire and burned it, 
pushed a few charred pieces aside, and re- 
turned to her chair. Ann came back and said, 
"Why Granny, what have you done with your 
night-cap?" "Burnt it up, you dratted fool," 
answered the amiable old lady. Ann looked 
into the stove, saw the burned remnants and 
believed the story to be true. So she put a 
clean cap on the old sinner saying, "Granny, 
you are a naughty girl." Well, 'tis sad, but 
I must tell it. The "Four-Hundred" arrived, 
so did the pudding. We will draw^ a veil over 
the hostess as she started to dish up that pud- 
ding and lifted the relic to view. Poor Mrs. 
Ray, to the end of her life, that scene haunted 
her. 



49 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

"Mrs. Van Dorn, Aunt Betty Caslin and 
the howl of Tomato Soup" 

Mrs. Van Dorn was one of the aristocrats 
of the old village. She had several children 
living in various parts of the country. As she 
grew old, her mind failed and at last she was 
confined to her room. Her daughter-in-law 
gave her the best of care and as is often the 
case, came in for daily abuse from the old 
lady. One of her beliefs was that her chil- 
dren were starving her to death to get her 
money. This she retailed to all callers, mak- 
ing little impression, as they knew her mental 
condition. Not so, however, was the case of 
Aunt Betty Caslin, a neighbor, who called 
often and believed every word she was told. 
One day Mrs. Van Dorn had finished a good 
meal. The dishes had barely been removed, 
when in came Aunt Betty. The usual 'Tale 
of Woe," starvation, was told, and the visitor 
betook herself to the kitchen and berated the 
patient daughter-in-law soundly. Roused to 
anger at last, she said, **Why Mrs. Caslin, she 
is crazy, she has just had a good dinner. Ask 
50 



\ 



HUMOROUS TALES 

the doctor." "I don't have to," snapped Aunt 
Betty. **I have Hved here for years and I 
never knew Mrs. Van Dorn to tell a lie. I 
shall go home and bring her something to eat 
and feed it to her myself." ''I hope you will 
have a nice time," said the other, as she re- 
turned to her kitchen. With head erect and 
flashing eyes, Aunt Betty returned to the bed- 
room and said, "Would you eat something if 
/ bring it to you?" ''Of course I will, my 
dear," said the old lady, "I am dying of star- 
vation." Aunt Betty rushed home and soon 
returned with a two quart bowl of steaming 
hot tomato soup. Stepping to the bed, she ex- 
tended the bowl and said, "There, you poor 
abused woman, eat it all." "Thank you," said 
Mrs. Van Dorn as she raised the bowl and 
threw it straight into Aunt Betty's face. She 
was deluged with soup and her dress was 
ruined. "You hateful old creature, you ought 
to starve," cried the angry Aunt Betty as she 
started for the outer door. Hearing a quiet 
chuckle, she turned to behold Mrs. Van Dorn's 
daughter-in-law, who had watched it all from 
the kitchen door and who called after her as 
5 51 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

she hurriedly left, "Perhaps, Mrs. Caslin, this 
may teach you to mind your own business." 
Aunt Betty never appeared again till the day 
of Mrs. Van Dorn's funeral. 



Aunt Betty had a voice when she sang 
which reminded one of a locust sitting on a 
tree in autumn. When she tried to sing in 
church it was a source of much amusement to 
the young element. Once a little girl got up 
on her knees in the pew in front and mocked 
her. The joke was, that the child did not stop 
when the choir did but emitted a wild squeal 
when the music had closed. Aunt Betty never 
tumbled, although the risibles of all present 
were severely taxed and dignity and religion 
nearly went by the board. 



''How Nora Flannigan testified at the 
County Court" 

Up on the Woodford Road in Civil War 
times, there lived a sturdy old lady from the 
Emerald Isle, Nora Flannigan by name. Nora 
53 



HUMOROUS TALES 

had a rich brogue which could be heard for a 
long distance when she talked in the street. 
Her son Patsy used to imbibe too freely at 
times. He had a chum in the village who 
frequently persuaded him to go for a "toot." 
On this chum, Nora swore vengeance and 
threatened to do him up, if he came near her 
home again. One day he appeared drunker 
than usual. Nora was ready, and when he 
rapped, she shouted, ''Come in" and as he 
opened the door, a pan of greasy dishwater 
met him full in the face. He turned and ran 
while Nora seizing an old Flint-lock gun, a 
relic of revolutionary days, chased him for a 
quarter of a mile. Later he filled up on more 
whiskey, got into a fight, and finally landed in 
jail. The trial came off in the old Court 
House on the hill, and Nora was called as a 
witness. The examining attorney had heard 
of her and her witty sayings and prepared for 
some fun. (And he got more than he bar- 
gained for.) "Are you aware of the nature 
of an oath, Mrs. Flannigan," he asked. "Faith 
and I ain't," responded Nora. "Can you 
swear to — " he began? "Swear? is it, Damn 
53 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

it, or course, I can," she answered amid roars 
from the Hsteners. "No, no," said the lawyer, 
**I mean you must promise to tell the truth." 
"Sure an' I will," said Nora, "an' phwy didn't 
yez talk English before, inshtid of Hog Lat- 
in ?" At this, the crowd yelled and the attor- 
ney somewhat rattled, proceeded. "Mrs. Flan- 
nigan, did you ever see this man intoxicated ?" 
"Phwat's that?" "I mean, the worse for 
liquor." "Say man, is it drunk ye mane?" 
"Yes," answered the lawyer. "Sure, he ain't 
drawed a sober breath for tin years." "Now, 
Mrs. Flannigan," said the attorney, **I am told 
that when this man came to your door, you 
deluged him with dishwater and then chased 
him with an old gun." "Now you did not 
mean to kill him, did you? You knew of 
course that the gun was not loaded?" With 
an expansive wink, towards the audience, No- 
ra answered, "Sure, I thought the ould gun 
was loike a lawyer's mouth, it would go oft' 
phwhither there was anything in it or not." 
Pandemonium broke loose, and amid the 
shouts, the attorney said, "You may step down, 
you are excused." "Thank ye kindly sir," 
54 




55 



HUMOROUS TALES 

she answered and walked to the rear door. 
Turning back, she fired this parting shot over 
the heads of the crowd, "He thought he'd 
have some fun wid Nora, but its Nora had the 
fun with him begob." And she disappeared 
down the stairs. 



"How Colonel Sherill and Jacob Poole 
called on Mrs. Hyde" 

(As told by Mrs. Margaret Brown.) 

Colonel Sherill and the author's great grand- 
father, Jacob Poole, had both reached an ad- 
N-anced age and were somewhat enfeebled in 
mind. Being in good health, they sometimes 
made calls among the neighbors to the con- 
sternation of all concerned. Mrs. Brown re- 
lates that one day, she, her mother Mrs. Fay, 
and her grandmother Mrs. Hyde, were at din- 
ner. Suddenly the bell rang and Mr. Jacob 
Poole appeared to call on Mrs. Hyde. She, 
being strong in mind and body, went into the 
parlor and entertained him to the best of her 
ability, her dinner meanwhile growing cold. 
At last he departed and as he went, he said, 
55 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

''Ain't it too bad about Colonel Sherill, his 
mind is clean gone, and he is growing foolish." 
Hardly had he passed from view, when the 
bell rang again and Colonel Sherill came in. 
Again Mrs. Hyde did the honors, and as the 
Colonel left, he said, "Mrs. Hyde, ain't you 
sorry that poor old Mr. Poole has lost his 
mind, he don't know nothin'." Mrs. Hyde 
went in to her cold dinner and laughed till she 
cried as she told the family of the two old 
relics who had come to court her. 



''Aunt Betty Caslin's Funeral" 

Reference was made in a previous para- 
graph to Aunt Betty and the shower of to- 
mato soup she received at the hands of Mrs. 
Van Dorn. She was a quaint character, well 
educated and very dignified. Rain or shine 
she carried a huge umbrella which in the 
course of years had become a Bleached Blond. 
The old lady was famous for being late on all 
occasions, and once started for a funeral after 
the procession had gone to the cemetery. Ar- 
rived at the house, she inquired if the service 
56 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

had begun and was terribly mortified when 
she learned the hour. She lived alone and 
when she went out, she carried her immense 
brass door key with her. I have seen her 
start for town and then return seven times to 
try the door and see that it was locked. She 
had been a school teacher and was a model of 
propriety. She lived to be over eighty and 
was very feeble at the last. Feeling ill one 
night, she crossed the street to the home of a 
neighbor, and the good Samaritans took her 
in and cared for her till the end came. These 
good friends decided to have the funeral from 
their home. The family possessed an old fash- 
ioned "Grandafther's clock" which had a tink- 
ling chime of bells attached and played seven 
old fashioned tunes, one for each day of the 
week. It was set to play at 12, at 4 and at 8 
o'clock. On the day of the funeral (which 
was scheduled for 3:30 p.m.) Mrs. Doan no- 
ticed that the tune for the day was "Widow 
Casey," an Irish jig, so she told her husband 
to stop the clock. He forgot it, hence this 
story. The mourners and the neighbors as- 
sembled and the service began. Four o'clock 
57 



HUMOROUS TALES 

came and found the pastor beginning his re- 
marks as he stood by the casket. "In the 
midst of Hfe we are in death," lie said. "This 
is a very solemn occasion," my friends, and 
" — Teedle-Doo, Teedle-Doo, Tiddle-Dy-eye, 
Tiddle-Dy-eye," remarked the clock. The Pas- 
tor waited and the neighbors choked down the 
laughter that seemed as if it must explode. 
Finally the Pastor resumed with a suspicious 
quaver in his voice and finished his remarks 
but when the people had climbed into the hacks 
and started for the cemetery, they cut loose 
and laughed as they thought of the funeral 
march which had been played for the dignified 
Aunt Betty. 



''An7i' Brooks" 

Ann was a tall angular woman with a large 
fund of native wit. She lived on the south 
road near a small school house. The Pastors 
of the churches in Bennington and Pownal 
used to hold services there from time to time. 
Mrs. Brooks was very much interested and 
58 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

always went. Finally an Episcopalian clergy- 
man from Troy, who was visiting in the vicin- 
ity, conducted a service. Ann was on hand 
and met the Rector. Next Sunday she was 
missing. During the week the Rector called 
and asked her to come again. *'I haint a com- 
in' no more," said Ann. "You hev too much 
git up and set down, I'll stay to hum." 

* * * 

Having had some stomach trouble, she con- 
sulted the doctor and tried to follow his advice, 
which was to omit certain articles of diet and 
take a hot mustard foot-bath before retiring. 
A neighbor came in next day to sympathize 
and asked her how she was feeling, to which 
she received the answer, "I've biled, sterilized 
and paralized every germ and microbe. For 
the future I'll eat when I'm hungry and drink 
when I'm dry." "Naow shet up." 

* * * 

Once she was sewing for a neighbor. The 

Pastor called. Mrs. Brooks was not one of 

his admirers. After a little, the neighbor came 

out of the parlor and said, "Come in, we are 

59 



HUMOROUS TALES 

going to have a season of prayer." '1 don't 
want no help that that man can give me," re- 
sponded the old lady. "Yew kin hev yure 
prayer-meetin' all to yerself." 



On describing the somewhat emotional char- 
acter of a neighbor, she said, "O yes, she's a 
agitatin' raound sumwhar or tother; she al- 
lers goes on as if Satan was chasin' her up to 
be his best girl." 



Occurances personally recollected by the 
Author 

In the days of my childhood, our Sunday 
evening services were held in the upper room 
of the Old Academy and were usually in the 
nature of a Prayer-meeting. How well I re- 
member the beautiful devotional music led by 
Mrs. Margaret Robinson of blessed memory. 
Once a month we had a Sunday School con- 
cert, Mr. Yates of the Mt. Anthony Seminary 
leading in song, while his daughter. Miss Lillie 
Yates, presided at the organ. Once in a while, 
60 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

something funny was bound to happen, and we 
youngsters were ready for a laugh. Up in the 
mountain district lived an old man who was 
an ''Exhorter" so-called. Occasionally he apH 
peared at Prayer-meeting and our Pastor, Mr. 
Jennings, (although groaning inwardly at 
what he might expect) felt in duty bound to 
ask him to make some remarks.. On the oc- 
casion I am about to mention, the old man 
arose and said, "Brethren and Sisters, the 
Spirit of the Lord is a-goin' up and down 
these here mountains and these here valleys, 
and there's religion in it and if anybody wants 
religion, now's the time to make a "grab" for 
it! ! ! (We youngsters nearly fell ofif our 
seats, while the Pastor wiped his anguished 
brow with his handkerchief, murmuring men- 
tally no doubt, "How long, O Lord, how 
long?") But the worst was yet to come. Hav- 
ing finished his remarks, he decided to pray. 
He usually proceeded on the basis of belief 
that the Almighty was hard of hearing. On 
this occasion he fairly outdid himself. "Come 
down, Lord," he shouted "Come right now, 
come quick, come down through the roof, and 
6i 



HUMOROUS TALES 

I'll pay for half the shingles." I have only to 
add that as he finished, the Pastor arose and 
said, "Let us sing, Traise God from whom all 

blessings flow,' and we will be dismissed." 

* * * 

On another occasion the bell rope broke. So 
two men climbed up through a scuttle-hole to 
the garret and rang the first bell. They re- 
mained to toll the last bell. A table had been 
placed across two seats and on this they 
mounted. The Pastor had not been informed 
so when the bell ceased tolling, he announced 
his hymn and began his Prayer-meeting. Pres- 
ently a pair of legs appeared in the scuttle- 
hole, the feet hit the table with a bang and 
every one snickered. The owner of the feet 
was so rattled, that he forgot his companion 
above, grabbed the table, set it in the corner, 
and then sat down. Then a second pair of 
legs waved wildly in the air, and the owner 
said in a muffled voice, "where is that table?" 
He was assisted to Terra-Firma but the Pray- 
er-meeting spirit had vanished, and after sev- 
eral ineffectual attempts to restore order, the 
Pastor closed the meeting. 
62 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

My grandfather had a greenhorn from the 
'*Ould Sod" working for him. Grandmother 
expected company and wished to make some 
nut cake. So she dispatched Pat across the 
field with a pail and said, *'Go over to Mrs. 
John F. Robinson and ask her if she will give 
me some butternuts." Upon arriving, Pat ex- 
tended his pail with the word, "Boothernit." 
Mrs. Robinson filled the pail and when grand- 
mother received it and took oflF the cover, it 
was full of hiittermUk. Needless to say that 
a note went with him on his return trip and 
Mrs. Robinson had a hearty laugh and then 
sent the desired articles. 



My father always employed men on his 
farm to help out in the summer. One year a 
greenhorn from the "Emerald Isle" presented 
himself. His name was Mike Reilly. After 
dinner, father asked him if he could hitch up 
a double team. "Faith and I can, sor," said 
Mike. Father finished his coflfee and then 
went to the barn. Mike had the team on the 
barn-floor and stood holding a heavy collar 
63 



HUMOROUS TALES 

which he was turning every way. "Please 
sor/' he asked, ''Does it go over the fut or the 
tail, sor?" 

* 5if * 

Our neighbor, Judge Sears, had an exper- 
ience also. A new arrival, Patrick Day, 
worked for the Judge. "Do you understand 
oxen," he was asked? "Yis," said Pat. "Al- 
right," said Judge Sears. "Go out to the barn 
and feed them. Give them each a peck of 
corn ; don't shell it Patrick, feed it in the ear." 
After a few minutes, Pat returned to the kitch- 
en. "Divil a bit wad they ate, excipt two ears 
apiece, judge," he announced. "What," said 
Mr. Sears, "you must be mistaken." "Come, 
see for yerself thin," said Pat. The Judge 
went to the barn and found the oxen moving 
restlessly about with an ear of corn stuck in 
each ear. Pat had fed the corn as directed 
in the ear. 

* * * 

My father disliked drunken people above all 
others. At one time he had in his employ a 
man who was an excellent worker but who 
64 



OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

ivould drink. One day after a prolonged 
spree, he reeled into the yard. Father saw him 
coming and shouted, "Thomas get out of here, 
I won't have you on my place. You are 
drunk." Straightening himself up, he pointed 
at my father and replied, ''Jo^^^j hie — I ain't 
so think as you drunk I am.." 



65 



HUAIOROUS TALES 



L' ENVOI 

The Old Hill Today 

'"Po one whose memory goes back nearly lifty 
j[ years, the changes have been sweeping. 
Gone are the old-fashioned folks of early days. 
Gone are the old homes which crowned the 
summit of the hill, where the monument now 
rises. Among those old houses, there stands 
forth in my memory the *'01d State Arms 
House." Once in the by-gone years, it was 
connected with the adjoining house, the upper 
story of which was one large Ball-Room. The 
walls were tinted to represent trees and grass- 
es. The ceiling, oval in form, was painted like 
the sky, showing the clouds and the full moon 
rising. Up in one corner was the "Fiddler's 
Box," which was reached by a short ladder. 
And I seem to see them, the groups of happy 
lads and lasses, who gathered in the great din- 
ing room of the hotel for supper, and then 
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OF BENNINGTON-ON-THE-HILL 

passed through to the other house to join in 
the quaint old dances of days long vanished. 
Out, out into the "Great Beyond'' they have 
passed nearly all of those whom I have re- 
called in this little narrative and with them a 
host of other friends who have gone to that 
happy land below the horizon, the Land o' the 
Leal toward which our footsteps all are bend- 
ing. 



67 



HUMOROUS TALES 



BENNINGTON CENTER 

JUST a peaceful, quiet village, 
Nestling mid the mountains green, 
Giving to the weary traveler, 
Her tranquility serene. 

I salute thee, home of childhood. 
Though afar from thee I dwell. 
Precious memories are thronging, 
Of the home I loved so well. 

Like a watchman ever faithful. 
Towers Mt. Anthony in air, 
Yonder through the peaceful valley, 
Wind Walloomsac's waters fair. 

May Heaven's gracious benediction, 
Bless thee with its richest store, 
And the love of God our Father, 
Rest upon thee evermore. 



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